Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
