Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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