ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
