Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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