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• (269): View more from Michigan

  did you hook up austin?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed

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• (876): View more from Jamaica

  you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day

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• (585): View more from New York

  You tried to order fondue take-out.

  (585): View more from New York

  From Taco Bell.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.

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