I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
