Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
