a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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