so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just pee around me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
