He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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