why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So much rum. So many feels.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
