I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
