have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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