Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
