Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
