There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
