Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
