Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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