We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
