i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
people are starting to question the shark bite story
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
