I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
