her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
