Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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