oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
