if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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