I puked a lego.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
