found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
