Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
