I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My brain says no but my pants say off.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
