My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
