talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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