i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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