But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
