she was so not down for the gang bang
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
