This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
