A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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