If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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