Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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