I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
