you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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