If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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