so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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