I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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