so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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