Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
