I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
one might say we're banned from that church
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
