i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
