He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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