He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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