Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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