You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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