Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
