if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
