3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
