I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
