just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
