I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
