the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize