Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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