I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
