Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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