I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is wine microwaveable?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
