This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
