You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
