i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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