I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
