Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
