Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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