Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
