if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
