Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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