theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
