Please, let me fuck your mom
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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