how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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