dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
