I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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