So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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