Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
