at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
