You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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