How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
