I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
