Are we in a gay sports bar?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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