wat bout pragnant strippers??
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm like, not good at living.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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