So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
