He disabled his match.com account in front of me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
