After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
