You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
