One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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