You're my little dorito
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize