Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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