I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm both gender and math confused
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