i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
