my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
