I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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