roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
