she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
