so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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