Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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