Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We are two peas in an std pod
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
