I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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