THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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