I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
