He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
