just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
