You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
