Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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